But not literally “off and running”

I bought running shoes because Nordstrom Rack was having a sale and because they looked so pretty. I am constantly disappointed that the athletic gear I purchase never makes me more athletic…le sigh. On the contrary, when I went for a pitiful jog-walk on Saturday my shoes actually hurt my feet quite a bit.

Let me take a moment to describe Jacklynn trying to do something in the outdoors world (Have I already done this? I know I’ve thought about it, sorry if I have).

I’m usually wearing some  athletic shorts or variation thereof paired with either 1) a gross high school club t-shirt or 2) an gauche athletic tank top. I have cool shoes, sure, but these are instantly negated by the dorky socks. I recently bought a florescent cambak back-pack thing because Carissa convinced me that I need to drink water when I’m moving about in the world and I have one of these rich people iPod holders for your arms (again, thanks, Carissa for teaching me how to be a human), but these are once again negated by my over-the-ear headphones and wire-rim glasses I wear specifically for “working out.” I may jog for a few block [sic], but instantly get tired and so start walking. Luckily, I look exhausted enough from the grandma-jogging I just did for the people I pass to think that I’m taking a break from the 15-mile run I started on the other side of town. Until I pass them again, still walking. Curse you! What are you doing just meandering around this park with your excruciatingly healthy looking dog? They give me disappointed looks and shake their heads. They warn their children about me after dinner. Go outside and play, Johnny, or you’ll end up like that out-of-shape-twenty-two-year-old I told you about.

However, I am still trying. Wanna know why? Because I want to be the kind of person who doesn’t loath exercise and you have to work at that stuff. Eat that, 2012. Also, put it in your pipe and smoke it. Also, stick a fork in yourself. Also, get off my grill.

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