5: Reasons it’s harder to be a girl
01 | I’m sure boys never consider a short bout of food poisoning an acceptable solution/supplement to a healthy diet and regular exercise.
02 | Halloween costumes & swimming suits. Really? Really? You want me to to wear this in public? And when I jump into the water thank God for bubbles because there is some serious rearranging going on down there.
03 | Routine-wise, boys are pretty much ready to go as long as (a) their teeth are brushed and (b) there are no living creatures in their hair. You dressed yourself? Awesome, let’s get married. Girls, on the other hand are expected to do their hair, make-up their faces, wear painful shoes, have porcelain legs, and wear trendy clothes that always reminds people of someone they know who could “wear it better.” Not fair. Can I bring up the animal kingdom? Doing it: Male animals are the ones that have to do the mating dance for homely looking females.
Sidebar: I don’t know how many times I’ve re-enacted birds from David Attenborough documentaries that are completely lost on my friends.
04 | All terms for women, even women in power have degenerated into insults. And I think we all know that linguistics shape the way we see the world. We know.
05 | Pockets. If you only carry around a single stick of gum and a dime in your pocket, maybe you’ve never noticed how miniscule girl pockets are. Evan keeps this exact copy of collected poetry by Silva Plath in his coat pocket all winter. Once, I even found a full-sized paperback thriller in his pocket that he claimed that he found in a box outside a coffee shop. Can you imagine thinking (with a shrug) “what the heck, throw a book in there, I’ve got room to spare.” What’s more, you can’t even tell there are things in boy-pockets. Every time I review pictures of myself with my fairly-slim cell phone in my pocket it’s like “Yup, it looks exactly like I have bricks for hips. Ideal.” Also, I’m pretty certain my dad can fit four tennis balls in each of his pockets.